i don't exist.

Giving up on food.

Insane urge to slice eyelids.
Slice skin, feel the trickle.

This was the beginning of the last end. If it happens again, there’s no way I’m sticking around.

I am not good (strong) enough.

I smashed the bottle on the pole - once, twice.
The sharp sound of glass was loud; even through the rain, the crying and the drunken grey. I held it to my wrists, my legs, my arms. It was blunt, too blunt to do the damage that I so wanted it to.
It was really raining now, and it was just me and the glass. I forgot that there was anyone else. Anywhere.
Well, anyone else but you. You and your words which cut way sharper than this piece of bottle neck. Pressing this hard against my skin, I could barely feel when I thought about how much it hurt the way you spoke to me, and the way you looked at me as though I was barely there. As though being barely there was still more than you could stand.
I don’t know where all of these feelings came from, these ones I have for you. They’re not something that I want, but rather something I am trying to expel. I can see them now, holding on with their inflamed white fingertips.
I have been here too many times before.

I guess one way of looking at it is that I’m lucky to be here today.

I guess another is that I’m unlucky. 

Sometimes, it’s the most unlikely people who understand completely and it’s the people you want to understand who have no idea.

Sometimes, it’s the people you want so much to care who care the least, and the ones whose reaction you are indifferent to that ends up being the most important.

Sometimes, you just have to give up hope for one person, but find it in others.

Sometimes, you just have to accept that they don’t like you. And never will.

Sometimes, life is just painful like that.

I miss being able to go out whenever I wanted, without all of the considerations I now have to make.

I just don’t want to be fat anymore :(

Nothing’s felt good since you left.

It’s a scary thing when the only thing which comforts you is the knowledge that you’re going to kill yourself soon.